Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
HILLARY CLINTON gave a campaign speech at a senior center scheduled between a Jazzercise class and a Bingo game. That’s when you know you’re in trouble. When your campaign speech is the LEAST exciting thing happening at a senior center.
HILLARY spoke to the seniors right before their Bingo game; which was awkward, because one of the Bingo players turned out to be BERNIE SANDERS.
DONALD TRUMP is polling so badly with women that at a rally he had his wife, MELANIA, introduce him. Yes! If there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to get American women on your side, it’s a foreign model who’s married to a billionaire and never has to lift a finger to do anything.
TRUMP suffered a big loss in Wisconsin to TED CRUZ. Or as TRUMP put it, “I hit a wall, a big wall, and I don’t think I can get Mexico to pay for it.”
After losing in Wisconsin, there was a big shake-up in the TRUMP campaign staff. The guy in charge of racist comments is now in charge of sexist comments.
WARNER BROS. is reportedly working on a new “Speedy Gonzales” movie. After hearing about it, MICKEY MOUSE said, “Wow, the Mexicans ARE taking our jobs.”
J.K. ROWLING of “Harry Potter” fame, has a new novel now aimed at adults. It’s called “Harry Potter and the 30-Year Adjustable Rate Mortgage.”
It is once again tax time. That’s when the government OF the people, BY the people and FOR the people, stick it TO the people.
The deadline to file is April 15th which means, you is only have five days left to frantically dig through your car for “Burger King” receipts that you can claim were business dinners.
A new study says that an average person’s chances of getting audited by the IRS is the lowest they’ve been since the 1980s. WESLEY SNIPES was heard to say, “Sure, now!”
The IRS has introduced new technology allowing you to pay your taxes at a 7-Eleven. So just imagine: You can now declare your earnings from 2015 while eating a hot dog from 2005.
China has overtaken the United States as the world’s biggest food and grocery market. That means they buy and consume more food than we do. Of course they do. They’re eating Chinese food. A half hour after they eat, they’re hungry again.
AMAZON PRIME just unveiled new buttons you can press to order Doritos, Red Bull, and Trojan condoms. Or as that’s called in New Jersey, “The Welcome Wagon.”
The DODGERS started the new season with three straight shutout wins. I don’t want to say it’s surprising, but today the DODGERS tested themselves for steroids.
It’s been a rough year for the L.A. LAKERS with only 16 wins to 63 losses. COACH BYRON SCOTT said, “Most of my players would probably like to shoot me.” On the bright side, they would probably miss.
The E! network has announced they have reached a deal with the KARDASHIAN FAMILY to bring us more seasons of their reality show. If you haven’t been keeping up with them for the past eleven seasons I’ll bring you up to speed. They went shopping.
Alaska Air has announced that it’s purchasing Virgin Airlines for $2.6 billion. It’s the most money ever spent on a virgin since my mother bought her grandson a car for his 18th birthday.
