“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
The Iowa Caucuses are Monday. After that the candidates and everyone else in the country can go back to never thinking about Iowa for the next four years.
TRUMP did not participate in the Fox News debate because, he says, “Moderator MEGYN KELLY is biased against me”. TRUMP has a right to be scared. Every time a young, attractive woman disagrees with him, she ends up taking half his stuff.
There’s talk former New York Mayor BLOOMBERG might run as an Independent candidate. Just what America needs, a President who can put the national debt on his Visa Card.
To become a candidate, BLOOMBERG has to release his financial statement. Turns out he won’t have to run for the White House, he already owns it.
A recent poll found that DONALD TRUMP and HILLARY CLINTON have the most recognizable faces of the 2016 campaign. While MIKE HUCKABEE and CHRIS CHRISTIE have the most bodies.
If HILLARY becomes President her choice of DEFENSE SECRETARY should be easy, She’d pick hubby, BILL. He already has his own “Heat Seeking Missile.”
Winter storm JONAS slammed the East Coast. Some places got up to 3 feet of snow. Climate change has not ended winter, it just packed the whole damn thing into one weekend.
The blizzard also caused power outages all over the place. In fact, they had blackouts in New Jersey, North Carolina, and the Oscar nominations.
People are very upset because in a new movie MICHAEL JACKSON is going to be played by a white man. The producers said, “We didn’t want to cast a white man, but we couldn’t find a black actor as white and MICHAEL was. Besides we’d like to get nominated for an Oscar.
Because of lower oil prices and China’s declining economy the stock market has been driven sharply lower. It’s a good time for all you investors to KNOW YOUR STOCK MARKET.
BULL MARKET: A random market movement that causes the investor to think he’s a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowances, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no…well we all know what the man doesn’t get when things go DOWN.
STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split up all your assets between them.
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after YOU buy stock.
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it slowly disappears down the toilet.
PROFIT: Religious guy who talks to God.
BILL GATES: Where God goes for a loan.
WARREN BUFFETT: God.