“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Well, it’s a new year and DONALD TRUMP is still in first place among Republicans. TED CRUZ is in second place, MARCO RUBIO is third and BEN CARSON is fast asleep somewhere dreaming of sugarplums.
The Republican nomination is like “Celebrity Apprentice” but with even worse celebrities. What TRUMP should do is start firing his opponents one by one every week. “TED CRUZ, you’re fired.”
PRESIDENT OBAMA spent his Christmas holiday in Hawaii in traditional yuletide fashion. “Roasting Republicans on an open fire.”
Then the White House ushered in the New Year with a rousing chorus of “Should Auld Misconceived, Miscalculated and Misjudged Decisions Be Forgot.”
Former Senator RICK SANTORUM hopes to do a lot better in the upcoming Iowa Caucus. Until now his popularity ratings have been a little behind CHARLES MANSON.
That’s because he’s had an identity problem. People recognized him.
Looks like TED CRUZ is getting good support in Iowa from the religious right. After every speech he gets a kneeling ovation.
New Hampshire is getting ready for its Republican Primary. New Hampshire voters will gather to decide which middle aged, white guy looks best in a pair of pleated Dockers.
The New Hampshire primary is a tough one for the candidates who don’t do well because this is the night when many of them realize “I served all these people pancakes for nothing.”
OBAMACARE (The Affordable Care Act) is two years old and is being called a great success. Every Republican candidate says, if they are elected, the first thing they will do is dump this medical masterpiece. BEWARE voters! This is a sample of what millions of Americans would have to contend with if there is a Republican president.
–Your annual breast exam would be done at “Hooters.”
–The only proctologist you’d be able to go to would be “Gus” from “Roto-Rooter.”
–Preventive care coverage would consist of “An Apple A Day.”
–The only expense covered 100 percent by your insurance company would be “embalming.”
–You’d have to see a schizophrenic doctor so you can get an on the spot second opinion.
–Your prescription would say “Viagra,” but you’d have to settle for a Popsicle stick and a roll of duct tape.
CBS will be holding the annual “People’s Choice” awards show. It has some strange categories like “Favorite Kardashian” and “Favorite Late-night Jimmy.” The “People’s Choice” award is basically and annual reminder that we have too many awards shows.
After years of being banned, ADOLF HITLER’S “Mein Kampf” is headed back to German book stores. The new edition has a forward by DONALD TRUMP.
In it we learn why HITLER was a teetotaler. When he drank he tended to get nasty.