“Last Blog Standing” starts riiight….now!
Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
The second GOP debate took place at the Reagan Presidential Library. After hearing all that bickering and trash talking between the candidates and DONALD TRUMP, I was hoping a librarian somewhere would call out “shhhush”
During the debate, JEB BUSH wanted DONALD TRUMP to apologize to his wife for what he said about Mexicans, but TRUMP refused. TRUMP said, “If I apologized to wives I wouldn’t be on my third one.”
To keep things honest CNN had “fact checkers” standing by. But they didn’t have much to do. CARLY FIORINA managed all night NOT to say anything factual.
Close to 24 million people watched the CNN Republican debate. The only person who didn’t tune in was BEN CARSON.
BEN did not make a particularly strong impression. He looked like a guy who grabbed the wrong drink at BILL COSBY’S house.
JEB BUSH admitted at the debate that he smoked marijuana in college. How shocking. Based on the speed he was talking, I’m pretty sure BEN CARSON smoked some during every commercial break.
After watching the Republican debate for 3 hours and listening to all these clowns telling how, because of PRESIDENT OBAMA, things are so bad here. I realized DONALD TRUMP is right. We should build a big wall between us and Mexico. To keep Americans from leaving the country.
Last week RICK PERRY was the first to announce he is dropping out of the Presidential race. After watching the debate I realized we need more candidates like RICK PERRY: Candidates who will drop out of the Presidential race.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER is going to be the next host of “Celebrity Apprentice.” Not only did they take the job away from TRUMP, but NBC added insult to injury. He’s being replaced by an immigrant with an anchor baby.
There was a heat wave in Los Angeles last week. It was so hot, reporters were asking DONALD TRUMP to explain his Middle East Policy, just to give them the chills.
POPE FRANCIS will arrive in NYC to begin his visit to the United States. To honor the Catholic leader, PRESIDENT OBAMA will announce that from now on forget baseball, the national sport of the country will be Bingo.
Before the trip, the POPE’S doctors want him to be in tip top condition so they told him to lose 30 pounds, and he did. He stopped wearing his hat.
POPE FRANCIS began his tour with a stop in Cuba and while there celebrated Mass before thousands of people. It would have been an even bigger crowd, but it was a Cuban National Holiday honoring the first time DESI ARNAZ ever sang Babaloo.
The Miss America Pageant crowned Miss Georgia as its 94th winner. As a first prize winner she will receive a $50,000 scholarship. It’s a lot better than the old days when all the winner got was a tiara, a dozen roses and cab fare back from BERT PARKS hotel room.
To mark his 118th birthday, a bronze bust of ALFRED HITCHCOCK was re-unveiled outside Universal Studios. If you’d like to see it, it’s located “39 Steps” – “North By Northwest” of the entrance and placed under a — “Torn Curtain” to protect it from — “The Birds.” They are giving these explicit directions so people will know — “Ver-to-go.”
