Yes, it’s time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). His blog posts range from political comedy to humorous commentary on pop culture.
For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
With the many investigations going on about the TRUMP administration’s Russian connection and the involvement of campaign advisers, MICHAEL FLYNN, PAUL MANAFORT, CARTER PAGE and now son-in-law, JARED KUSHNER, it’s a good thing part of TRUMP’S new budget has a section that covers bail money.
TRUMP became the first sitting U.S.PRESIDENT to visit the Western Wall in Jerusalem. As he stood there he was overheard saying, “You’ve got to hand it to the Israelis. They’ve got this beautiful wall and I can’t get mine off the ground.”
He also said the wall was the reason Israel doesn’t have any Mexicans.
While at the sacred Jewish historical site, TRUMP took the opportunity to say a prayer. He prayed that everyone would drop their investigations of his involvement with Russia. When asked if he thought this would make them stop, TRUMP said, “Who knows? It’s like talking to the wall.”
When TRUMP got to Israel on his overseas trip, Israeli Prime Minister BENJAMIN NETANYAHU gave him a 150-year-old bible. Which got kind of awkward when TRUMP autographed it and gave it back to him.
There are several videos showing First Lady, MELANIA TRUMP, rejecting PRESIDENT TRUMP’S attempt to hold her hand. Even the Israelis and the Palestinians are saying, “And he want’s US to work things out.”
It was revealed that TRUMP asked two intelligence chiefs to deny that his campaign had any ties to Russia. TRUMP also asked them to make MELANIA hold his freakin’ hand.
On his visit with POPE FRANCIS, TRUMP told his holiness that being PRESIDENT and being POPE, they have a lot in common. They both have big responsibilities, must make important decisions and there’s a lot of sleeping alone.
According to the Senate, PRESIDENT TRUMP’S budget is dead on arrival. In other words, TRUMP’S budget is covered by TRUMP’S Healthcare Plan.
According to reports, Legal marijuana brought in more money last year than Girl Scout cookies did. Of course, Girl Scout cookies wouldn’t have sold as well as they did if it weren’t for the marijuana.
It’s MEMORIAL DAY and once again our eyes are glued on TV to watch the running of the Indy 500 race. The excitement, the shrieks, the gasps. It’s like having speakers outside CHARLIE SHEEN’S bedroom.
And what a grueling drive it is. 500 miles without one Burger King, one Taco Bell, one McDonalds, not even a Stuckey’s pecan pie.
The drivers are magnificent, but it’s those fabulous pit crews that really amaze me. I haven’t seen tires come off a car that fast since I was double parked in downtown Detroit.
There are no female drivers in this year’s race. Some say women have better skills than the men. I disagree. I don’t think a willingness to stop to ask for directions is a great advantage when you’re driving at the Indianapolis speedway.
But more importantly, MEMORIAL DAY is when we honor those who died in battle defending our great country. Let us all remember and thank these brave warriors.