The Great Blizzard of 2015 – aka Winter Storm Juno– is hitting the east coast today, so millions will be stuck indoors looking for a diversion. My suggestion is to stock up on comedy/horror movies. Hell, we don’t even need the movies… look no further than the motley lineup of 2016 Republican presidential wannabes who gathered this weekend in Iowa and California.
It’s difficult to pick out who was the most (unintentionally) funny, but that honor probably goes to Sarah “Word Salad” Palin, whose allotted 20-minute slot turned into a rambling 35-minute disjointed mumble-jumble as her teleprompter reportedly malfunctioned. (I’m guessing the teleprompter operator did it on purpose to hear how she’d do on her own!
The 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee flipped through a binder of notes and strung together a series of one-liners – and some of them made little sense.
‘The man can only ride you when your back is bent,’ she said, as audience members looked at each other quizzically.
‘So strengthen it! Then the man can’t ride you, America won’t get taken for a ride, because so much is at stake.’
Addressing the controversy over the virtues of the late Navy SEAL Chris Kyle and the ‘American Sniper’ film that tells his life story, she shouted: “Screw the left in Hollywood!’
‘What will they do to stop causing our pain, and start feeling it again? Well, in other words, um – Is Hillary a New Democrat or an old one?’
‘Now the press asks, the press asks, “Can anyone stop Hillary?” Again, this is to forego a conclusion, right? It’s to scare us off, to convince us that – a pantsuit can crush patriots?’
Democratic National Committee Communications Director Mo Elleithee issued a terse reaction to the Republican’s embarrassing 35-minute meltdown: ‘Thank you!’
Of course, I don’t mean to take away any of the bat-shit-ness of fellow ’16 wannabes Ben Carson, Mike Huckabee, Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Bobby Jindal, Carly Fiorina, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio, Chris Christie, Donald Trump or any others I somehow missed.
Julianna Forlano joined me this morning to bring some more absurd news, as if we didn’t have enough already!
And for those of you who need something real to get mad about (as opposed to being pissed off at me for making fun of deflated balls), there’s lots to choose from.
While the NYPD is still turning its back on Mayor Bill de Blasio for explaining “the talk” he had to have with his son Dante about how to interact with police as a young black man, NY Times Op-Ed columnist Charles M. Blow’s son had to deal with the reality of police pointing a gun at him for the crime of walking while black.